I was reading this article on Elite Daily, and not only could I relate, but it got me to thinking about this whole dating thing. I have been out of the dating scene for a while (because I got tired of it), but I feel like it is time to start putting myself out there, again. I do want to be in a relationship and I do want to date, but things seem to have changed quite a bit, and I have to admit I don’t like where they are going.
I've been trying a few online dating sites, and I have to say it hasn't been pretty so far. As I was talking to Megan and Robby about my online dating woes yesterday, Robby said to me, "Whatever happened to meeting for dinner? Opening doors for a lady ... wining and dining a lady." That's what I want, but it is something that has, unfortunately, become all too rare. I am not one to settle, especially when it comes to romance. I have seen too many toxic relationships to ever want to end up in one. I have seen good ones too and am learning what I want in a relationship, as well as, what I don't want.
Too many of the guys are just out for, as Steve Harvey calls it, the cookie. I want to go out and have fun and laugh, not naked bathroom selfies. Now mind you, a few months into a relationship that could be fun and sexy, but before you even meet someone in person or after date number 1, not fun or sexy, just creepy.
I’m not saying you will never get the cookie. I am saying you might have to put in some time and effort, and frankly, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I need the foundation of trust, friendship, chemistry, and sexual attraction to be there. I’m not one of those girls who is eager to “bake cookies” for every man I meet. I need substance.
I know there are good men out there. I have many in my group of family and friends. Most of them are just gay and/or married. The single few sometimes seem interested, but don’t do anything about it. They seem to have me in the friend zone (It’s not just for guys), I suppose.
When I was working with a life coach at one point, she told me to allow myself to be pursued, so that is what I try to do. On the online dating sites, I don’t contact people, I let them contact me, and they do. It’s hard to sift through them sometimes.
Some you can tell right away that they are douche bags, with messages like, “I want to spread my seed.” and “R U DTF?”. Both of which are real messages that I have received. As a writer, the text talk drives me nuts. If you want a response from me, use full words and at least make a solid attempt at grammar. Even “Wussup” will make me hesitate to respond. If English isn’t your first language, I will give you a break, other than that get it together guys. Again, the rules change once we have a good foundation built and it’s done in jest. As a first impression, it will not fly.
Dating needs to get back to the basics, again. I can’t stand this hookup culture. If you are a part of it, and you enjoy, great. Good for you. Do what makes you happy. I’m just saying that’s not what I want for myself.
I want someone to laugh with, joke with, talk to in depth about anything and everything, someone to go have fun with, someone to stay in and cuddle with, someone who can see something special in me as I see something special in him. Someone that I feel safe being vulnerable with, that is willing to be vulnerable with me, as well. Someone honest, who can handle the truth, and is capable of talking things out. Is that really so much to ask for. Just someone who enjoys my company and can be totally himself with me, and I can be totally myself with him.
I’m not needy or insecure. No one needs to sacrifice anything that they don’t want to let go of. Chase your dreams, because I will continue to chase mine. Ask any of my friends, I’m a pretty good cheerleader, and I am pretty flexible when it comes to maintaining relationships. I don’t understand why it gets so complicated in some people’s minds.
I have my memberships on the online sites until December so I will check them every once in a while, but I seem to have better luck meeting people throughout different areas of my walking life. I’ve been actually trying since school got out, and I have been occupying my time. School starts back June 8th, so I will most likely go back to being too busy with school, work, chorus, family and friends to worry about it too much. It’s still something that I want for myself someday, I think I am better off just letting it happen, and shutting down the douche bags.
I have a good life, and I think that really helps to keep me from settling for a jerk.
I would love to hear anyone else’s dating experiences and advice for dating in 2015. All comments and questions are welcome.
With lots of love, light and big hugs to all of you.
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