Last Sunday I had an “Ah ha” moment as Oprah calls them. I looked around Inner Quest and was able to see, so incredibly clearly, how much I have learned and how much healing has happened, just since August. I fought my way through some emotional breakthroughs and my IQ Family, without missing a beat was there showering me with love, encouragement and guidance as soon as they noticed.
I’m not one to cry when other people are around. I try to keep my issues to myself mostly. Most of my life they were just a burden to those around me, they had more important things to concern themselves with. So, I learned to keep it to myself and figure out some way to cope with it on my own or tuck it away somewhere.
Metaphysics of Christmas brought up a lot within me that I needed to deal with and push myself through. I’ve always loved performing, be it dancing, singing, acting, twirling flags and riffles with the color guard, music..you name it, I loved to do it. I still love it. The last show I did before this was West Side Story back around 2003ish. It was the best experience I had ever had up to that point of my life. I had always felt like my heart and passion far surpassed my actual talent. For the first time, I felt kind of talented. Talented enough anyways. I was, for the first time in my life, 100% accepted into a group of people. When the play ended, I moved away. I tried to get back on stage, but once, again, I found myself fighting against negativity. I was so tired of fighting, so I gave up on myself and gave up everything I love and began to believe all of the ridiculous reasons why I was being told I shouldn’t be doing what I love. I didn’t have a whole lot of self-worth at the time, so it was easy to get to a place dark enough to make me give up. Between working, getting my own place, and becoming sort of a groupie to a local band or two I was able to keep myself distracted. I always missed being on stage, though.
Fast forward to about 3 years ago. It was the first time I had heard about metaphysics and energy healing. I was doing the whole old school sort of church thing at the time, so I wasn’t sure if it was okay. I’ve always had this deal with God, if it’s something you want me to do make it easy, make it happen. By the end of the conversation I not only has an appointment, but it was paid for. Doesn’t get much easier that that, so I went. It was absolutely life-altering, and this huge wave of healing and change began after being stuck for so long.
This past Summer I started getting into the really deep rooted emotional stuff (which I took as a good sign because it meant I made it through all the miscellaneous junk). Maybe a month after I came to that realization I moved to Roswell and found Inner Quest Metaphysical Christian Church, or it found me, however you want to look at it. We found eachother.
My first day there, I nervously entered as the newbie not really knowing what to expect. My last experience with “churches” left a bad taste in my mouth, nonetheless, this felt like a good thing. I was welcomed with a truly sincere warmth, kindness and love. I always felt like other “churches” were nice with an agenda. Not at Inner Quest. They are loving because it overflows from within them and spills out onto anyone that gets close enough. They’re huggers (one of my favorite things about my IQ family) so it’s not hard. I felt very comfortable, it fit like a glove. I felt as though I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
When I first walked in I was still holding that fear of getting too close to people. Afraid I would get hurt if I let anyone in. It didn’t take long for that to lift. I began to realize, IQ is a safe place. I’m not going to get analyzed or judged.
My first day there I heard that they were beginning sign ups for their Christmas Musical. I heard the word musical and was one of the first to sign up. I didn’t realize the adventure that it was going to become. I had gotten a two line solo. The first few rehearsals, what came out of me was horrible, to my own ears, at least, and I knew I was capable of so much more. Still they cheered me on. I figured they were just humoring me. They didn’t know what I was used to being able to do. Those old, discouraging voices I always heard began to haunt me, again. All of the “your not good enough” “you shouldn’t be putting yourself out there with the way you look” “you’re making a fool of yourself” etc etc. I fought through it to the best of my ability, but eventually I got so frustrated that I got teary eyed at the church after one of the rehearsals and attempted to sneak off unnoticed so no one else would have to deal with me. Suffice it to say, my attempt was unsuccessful. Their reaction however was so incredibly contrary to anything I had experienced before. One hug turned into about 10. Everyone unconditionally loved me through it. No one treated me like I was crazy or ridiculous. I got calls later on checking on me to make sure I was okay. Once I got through it, it was never held against me ever again. Once it was over, it was over and we moved forward. I fought off all of the old thoughts and was able to replace them with this new love I was surrounded by. Before I knew it I was busting through walls with ease.
Even just since Metaphysics of Christmas my life has changed. I find myself feeling a lot safer in loving and letting people in. Not that I have mastered it, but I have gotten a lot better. I have to keep my ego in check. Loving is way more important than the fear of getting hurt. Allowing oneself to be loved has proven to be incredibly beautiful, once experienced any risk involved no longer matters.
Do not underestimate the power of unconditional love. It can change lives. It can change the world.
A huge THANK YOU to my Inner Quest family. I love you all dearly, and I have no idea where I would be without you all. Thank you for being a part of my adventure and thank you for letting me be a part of yours. You've already brought me so much love, joy, fun and laughter in such a short amount of time. I wanted to make sure you all know without a doubt how much I love and appreciate every single one of you.
Love and Light! See you Sunday :)
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