Renee, one of my Goddesses, wrote this wonderful blog about forcing kids to go to college straight out of high school whether they are ready or not (you can click here to read it). I love so many things that were said there and boy, do I relate.
I was one of those kids who was absolutely not ready for college, but had to go because I was told I had to. If I didn’t do it then, I couldn’t do it later. I majored in what I was told that I was good at as opposed to what I liked to do. I didn’t have the time or the mind space with everyone talking at me to figure out what I really wanted to do. What would make me happy. What I was born to do. I had no idea. My aunt had the closest guess, with elementary education, but in all honesty, I knew I wouldn’t be happy doing that for the rest of my life. What other option did I have? I HAD to do it, and I did. Three totaled cars and a nervous breakdown later, I threw my hands up. I couldn’t do it anymore. It’s hard to bust your butt for a goal you can’t see. Why would you run toward something you don’t want to be anywhere near? I tried to explain why I had to quit and how I was feeling, hoping that everyone wouldn’t be so pissed if they knew what it was doing to me. No one seemed to care. No one seemed to hear me. They couldn’t get passed the disappointment enough to give a damn that college was destroying me.
I am, also, ADD/Dyslexic. There’s a little icing to top off this chaos cake. Something else that people had a hard time with. My aunt was the only one who understood it, she has a Special Education degree. Which leads to my next question, after finding out my diagnosis, did anyone ever ask her about it? Or even bother to look it up to see what it was? Judging by the lack of understanding, I’m guessing no. I think Dr. Therapist was supposed to fix me and send me home.
That was when I learned, I had to look out for myself, because no one else was going to do it for me. I learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone else, the only person I needed to please was me.
Self-indulgent? Before the judgements begin, let me share with you a few of the things that please me; Laughing, playing, love, silliness, healing, dancing, singing, music. Making people smile. Making people laugh. Seeing healing and love happening around me. Loving on someone who has been through hell and seeing the pain ease more and more everyday. The hugs I get all day at work. A hot bath and a good book, sunshine, a body of water, dolphins, warmth. Quality time with my Goddesses, soul sisters and/or family. Being surrounded by people I love. Being surrounded by people who love me. Being able to help someone. Being able to uplift someone.
Do you get that following my heart may not be a bad thing, now? It took me a while to find where I fit in. Now that I know, at 31, I am ready and excited to start back to school this fall. I have a goal, something to strive for. I have found what I want to do with my life and it is something that will fulfill me and feed my soul more than anything else i could ever imagine. I found my place, I found my voice, and thanks to all of these years of discovery, I have real world experience. I can jump in with way more than a diploma. Years of experience are worth a lot these days.
Forcing it before it was time only wasted time, money, vehicles and my emotional state. Parents, I encourage you to embrace your child’s journey. If you open yourself up to who they truly are, you will see all that they have to offer. Being different is normal, being normal is usually faked. Let your love and acceptance be truly unconditional, and your child will show you the truest form of who they really are.
